Love, breakup, life…

Love, breakup, life…

Three different words but certainly linked with each other…

I have experienced all three… from really very close!

Love… the most beautiful feeling I had… he made me feel so special… so loved and so much wanted… whatever he said whatever he did, it was all so different and so dear to me… yes I loved him and he loved me… life was beautiful, full of smiles and fun… life was hopeful… full of joys and glee… yes I loved him! Start of our relationship… facing all hurdles together… promising each other to be together forever… to be together in all ups and downs… holding each other’s hand looking in each other’s eyes… dreaming of future… a lovely future with all lovely things happening around… enjoying silence… enjoying the company… enjoying the feeling of just being together… yes it was ♥… true I felt so… true love I believed in!

Breakup… the most hurting feeling I had… he made me feel so neglected… so much hatred and so much unwanted… whatever he said whatever he did, it was all so different and so disliked by me… yes I hate him and he hates me… life is ugly, full of grins and blues… life is hopeless… full of cries and tears… yes he hates me! End of our relationship… facing all the blames alone… promising each other never to see each other again… to forget each other… to hate each other… killing all the wishes… killing all the dreams… silence which we enjoyed, kills now… company which we liked irritates now… being together is the last thing we wish… yes it is an end… end of ♥… end of something which I think we never had or shared….

Life… the only reality… whatever comes our way, the only thing which we have with us is our life… till our last breathe… from the experiences, love and breakup… the thing remained with me without any demands is my life! Life which I enjoyed when he was with me… life which I hated when he broke up with me… my behaviour towards my life changed and keeps on changing always, but life never changed its behaviour towards me… so if the man for him I did not respect my life cares nothing and has nothing to do with my emotions then why should I hurt my life for him? Why should I disrespect my life for someone who never was with me… these are my thoughts at this moment… but I know again this will change… dunno when… till then, I wish I do not wish for anything… till then I dream my dreams are not shattered… till then I pray my prayers are heard!!!

♥ you Zindagi…

Will he return?

I breathe but I am not alive

I smile but I am not happy

I work but I am not ambitious

I yell but I am not sad

I eat I drink

I play I sing

I clap I cry

I wish I try

I am me

But I am not myself anymore

I blame but I do not mean

I accept but I still grin

I want him back I know he does not

I want to ask I want to fight

But I know it will never happen

I know I have lost him

But have I really lost him?

Will he really not return?

Really?

After Effects...

...come back...

With the lonely nights with the empty dreams, I start my life afresh…

With a heavy heart with my shut eyes, I yell out the mental thresh…

I dunno will I be strong enough, I dunno will I be bold…

I dunno will my steps take me to the way I have not yet been told…

Many things I had imagined, many wishes I had asked…

But somewhere someday something went wrong, and my life slept off my grasp…

Thud! I fell and my eyes opened from the unreal dreams and from the world of illusions…

Thoughts are clear and now clear are all fake confusions…

Now I have nobody; not even my dreams along…

I head towards a new path all my own, wishing to rectify all that has went wrong!!!

I will always ♥ you... and i mean it...

When U Were Only 5 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Asked Me: "What Is It?"
When U Were 15 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Blushed.. U Look Down And Smile..
When U Were 20 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Put Ur Head On My Shoulder And Hold My Hand.. Afraid That I Might Dissapear..
When U Were 25 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Prepare Breakfast And Serve It In Front Of Me, And Kiss My Forhead N
Said : "U Better Be Quick, Is’s Gonna Be Late.."
When U Were 30 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Said: "If U Really Love Me, Please Come Back Early After Work.."
When U Were 40 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Were Cleaning The Dining Table And Said: "Ok Dear, But It’s Time For U To Help Our Child With His/Her Revision.."
When U Were 50 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Were Knitting And U Laugh At Me..
When U Were 60 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Smile At Me..
When U Were 70 Yrs Old. I Said I Love U....
We Sitting On The Rocking Chair With Our Glasses On.. I’m Reading Your Love Letter That U Sent To Me 50 Yrs Ago..With Our Hand Crossing Together..
When U Were 80 Yrs Old, U Said U Love Me!
I Didn’t Say Anything But Cried...

Happy Realization :)

The TEARS happen...Endure, Grieve and Move on. The only person who is with us, our entire life is Ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive...!!! :)

 

♥ is such a PAIN!!!

I wanted love, I wanted comfort

I wanted sense of belonging

Which I never got…

I wanted time, I wanted hugs

I wanted to talk

But, this, I never received…

15 minutes from 24 hrs,

This was my expectation

Sadly it never got fulfilled…

All his promises, all happiness

All glee

Disappeared after too much of love spree…

I wept, I yelled

I also abused

And I was taken so wrong…

My anger, my screams

My slangs

Were the things he always undergone…

But my tears, my needs

My wants

Always remained untouched…

How am I, how is my behaviour

What are my reactions?

All these emotions were always fucked up…

I should do this,

I should do that

Were the things always hammered on me…

I felt like dying

I wanted to suicide

Was my heart’s constant plea…

Alas! I could not dare,

But then,

I took a weapon

And I carved PAIN

On my hand instead…

FB n orkut... deleted!!!

deleted orkut account and deactivated facebook as well...!!! stepping ahead towards my goal of being alone... this was the first step, cutting out myself from the society...!!!