आज दिल नाराज है...

आज दिल नाराज है...
कुछ कहना चाहता है...
पर डर रहा है शायद...
डर रहा है फिर उन जज्बातों को लेकर...
डर रहा है, कही फिर ना कमजोर पड़ जाये...
डर रहा है कही फिर आँखें ना नम हो जाये...
याद  कर रहा है दिल उन बीती बातों को...
जो तुम कह कर चल दिए...
याद आ रही है वो सारी यादें...
जो तुमने दी और खुद भूल भी गए...
सुनाई दे रही है वो सारी आवाजें...
जिन्हें दिल चाहकर भी भुला नहीं सकता...
महसूस हो रहे है वो सरे दिन वो सारी यादें...
जिन्हें दिल ठुकरा नहीं सकता...
रो तो मेरा दिल रहा है...
पर बदनाम आँखें हो रही है...

आज दिल फिर नाराज था...
फिर कुछ कहना चाहता था...
पर फिर से रात आकर जा रही है...
दिल फिर कुछ ना कहते हुए रो रहा है...
सिलसिला ये चलेगा ना जाने कब तक...
ना जाने कब तक दिल नाराज रहेगा...
ना जाने कब तक कुछ कहना चाहेगा...
ना जाने कब तक...

Love, breakup, life…

Love, breakup, life…

Three different words but certainly linked with each other…

I have experienced all three… from really very close!

Love… the most beautiful feeling I had… he made me feel so special… so loved and so much wanted… whatever he said whatever he did, it was all so different and so dear to me… yes I loved him and he loved me… life was beautiful, full of smiles and fun… life was hopeful… full of joys and glee… yes I loved him! Start of our relationship… facing all hurdles together… promising each other to be together forever… to be together in all ups and downs… holding each other’s hand looking in each other’s eyes… dreaming of future… a lovely future with all lovely things happening around… enjoying silence… enjoying the company… enjoying the feeling of just being together… yes it was ♥… true I felt so… true love I believed in!

Breakup… the most hurting feeling I had… he made me feel so neglected… so much hatred and so much unwanted… whatever he said whatever he did, it was all so different and so disliked by me… yes I hate him and he hates me… life is ugly, full of grins and blues… life is hopeless… full of cries and tears… yes he hates me! End of our relationship… facing all the blames alone… promising each other never to see each other again… to forget each other… to hate each other… killing all the wishes… killing all the dreams… silence which we enjoyed, kills now… company which we liked irritates now… being together is the last thing we wish… yes it is an end… end of ♥… end of something which I think we never had or shared….

Life… the only reality… whatever comes our way, the only thing which we have with us is our life… till our last breathe… from the experiences, love and breakup… the thing remained with me without any demands is my life! Life which I enjoyed when he was with me… life which I hated when he broke up with me… my behaviour towards my life changed and keeps on changing always, but life never changed its behaviour towards me… so if the man for him I did not respect my life cares nothing and has nothing to do with my emotions then why should I hurt my life for him? Why should I disrespect my life for someone who never was with me… these are my thoughts at this moment… but I know again this will change… dunno when… till then, I wish I do not wish for anything… till then I dream my dreams are not shattered… till then I pray my prayers are heard!!!

♥ you Zindagi…

Will he return?

I breathe but I am not alive

I smile but I am not happy

I work but I am not ambitious

I yell but I am not sad

I eat I drink

I play I sing

I clap I cry

I wish I try

I am me

But I am not myself anymore

I blame but I do not mean

I accept but I still grin

I want him back I know he does not

I want to ask I want to fight

But I know it will never happen

I know I have lost him

But have I really lost him?

Will he really not return?

Really?

After Effects...

...come back...

With the lonely nights with the empty dreams, I start my life afresh…

With a heavy heart with my shut eyes, I yell out the mental thresh…

I dunno will I be strong enough, I dunno will I be bold…

I dunno will my steps take me to the way I have not yet been told…

Many things I had imagined, many wishes I had asked…

But somewhere someday something went wrong, and my life slept off my grasp…

Thud! I fell and my eyes opened from the unreal dreams and from the world of illusions…

Thoughts are clear and now clear are all fake confusions…

Now I have nobody; not even my dreams along…

I head towards a new path all my own, wishing to rectify all that has went wrong!!!

I will always ♥ you... and i mean it...

When U Were Only 5 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U...
U Asked Me: "What Is It?"
When U Were 15 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Blushed.. U Look Down And Smile..
When U Were 20 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Put Ur Head On My Shoulder And Hold My Hand.. Afraid That I Might Dissapear..
When U Were 25 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Prepare Breakfast And Serve It In Front Of Me, And Kiss My Forhead N
Said : "U Better Be Quick, Is’s Gonna Be Late.."
When U Were 30 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Said: "If U Really Love Me, Please Come Back Early After Work.."
When U Were 40 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Were Cleaning The Dining Table And Said: "Ok Dear, But It’s Time For U To Help Our Child With His/Her Revision.."
When U Were 50 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Were Knitting And U Laugh At Me..
When U Were 60 Yrs Old, I Said I Love U....
U Smile At Me..
When U Were 70 Yrs Old. I Said I Love U....
We Sitting On The Rocking Chair With Our Glasses On.. I’m Reading Your Love Letter That U Sent To Me 50 Yrs Ago..With Our Hand Crossing Together..
When U Were 80 Yrs Old, U Said U Love Me!
I Didn’t Say Anything But Cried...

Happy Realization :)

The TEARS happen...Endure, Grieve and Move on. The only person who is with us, our entire life is Ourselves. Be ALIVE while you are alive...!!! :)

 

♥ is such a PAIN!!!

I wanted love, I wanted comfort

I wanted sense of belonging

Which I never got…

I wanted time, I wanted hugs

I wanted to talk

But, this, I never received…

15 minutes from 24 hrs,

This was my expectation

Sadly it never got fulfilled…

All his promises, all happiness

All glee

Disappeared after too much of love spree…

I wept, I yelled

I also abused

And I was taken so wrong…

My anger, my screams

My slangs

Were the things he always undergone…

But my tears, my needs

My wants

Always remained untouched…

How am I, how is my behaviour

What are my reactions?

All these emotions were always fucked up…

I should do this,

I should do that

Were the things always hammered on me…

I felt like dying

I wanted to suicide

Was my heart’s constant plea…

Alas! I could not dare,

But then,

I took a weapon

And I carved PAIN

On my hand instead…

FB n orkut... deleted!!!

deleted orkut account and deactivated facebook as well...!!! stepping ahead towards my goal of being alone... this was the first step, cutting out myself from the society...!!!

Love u aai...♥ ♥

I'll always need my Mom no matter what age I am...... My Mom has made me laugh... wiped my tears... hugged me tight... watched me succeed... saw me fall... cheered me on... kept me going strong... and drove me a little crazy at times! But my Mom is a promise from God that I will have a friend forever!
Love u aai...♥ ♥ get well soon!!! >-:*-<

उलझन...

 

उड़ना चाहती हु मै...
इस खुले आकाश में... पंख लगा कर...
भूल जाना चाहती हु अपने सारे गम सारी परेशानिया...
जीना  चाहती हु अपना बचपन जो शायद ठीक से नहीं जिया है मैंने...
करना चाहती हु वो सब जो शायद कर नहीं पा रही हु मै...
सवाल यही है... क्यूँ नहीं जी पाई मै मेरा बचपन?
क्यूँ नहीं कर पा रही हु मै वो सब, जो मैंने हमेशा करना चाहा है?

क्या रोक रहा है मुझे?
क्यूँ रोक रही हु मै खुदको?
सवाल आसान है शायद... पर जवाब... शायद कठिन और शायद नामुमकिन है समझना...
उलझी हुई है मेरी ज़िन्दगी या शायद मै खुद उसे उलझा रही हु... पता नहीं... क्यूँ???

Distance separates... love unites!!!

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go,

Everything I know and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls,
when it's all said and done
It gets hard but it won't take away my love,

I'm here without you
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you
And I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you

But you're still with me in my dreams...

Nostalgia... Nagpur

Gorgeous... Goa

A Beautiful Mind...

Do not expect... expectations hurt!!! almost everyone and everybody knows this... but do we really stop expecting even after we are aware of this fact??? or just ask, can we actually stop expecting??? and the answer is no... we actually cant and will never stop expecting!!! I'll put it this way, that if we love someone and wan that person to do something for us, as we are worth it, then why should we stop expecting??? we are humans and not aliens or god!!! but yes, the degree or the extent to which we should extend our emotions and expectations is the matter of discussion... well, that should be taken care of!!! but, Do not expect... expectations hurt!!! this saying is a strict no no for me :)

rather I'll say, Expect and demand from your loved ones, it helps you strengthen the relationship!!! only the thing we have to take care of is the degree of demands we put forth...!!! so... little of everything is never harmful, similarly little of expecting is always useful :)

Expecting... should never hurt :)

warali and fabric

Sketches...

Stain Glass...

Rangoli

Paintings...

Mehndi...